Strategis for managing everyday conflict

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We live daily with the unsettling possibility of conflict. We enter into conflicts reluctantly, cautiously, angrily, nervously, confidently—and emerge from them battered, exhausted, sad, satisfied, triumphant. And still many of us underestimate or overlook the merits of conflict—the opportunity conflict offers every time it occurs. So I'm starting this discussion with two premises. First, conflict is normal. We may not like it, but it's part of life, and that's not going to change. Second, conflict isn't necessarily something to be avoided. In fact, it can prove highly productive. Conflict signals the presence of diverse points of view, which in struggle or reconciliation can spark creativity, nourish growth, jump-start productivity, and strengthen relationships. A life without conflict is probably less peaceful than bland. Most of us experience abundant opportunities for conflict. From the breakfast table to the bedroom, from the water cooler to the conference room, a hundred little things each day can lead to discord—and for a variety of reasons, most of which are natural and unavoidable. Habits and Beliefs We bring to our relationships an accumulation of everything we've ever learned —all of our habits, and all the opinions and beliefs we've developed about ourselves, other people, politics, religion, lifestyle, acceptable behavior, and the "right" way to do everything from dress ourselves in the morning to shape the psyches of our children for life. All this diversity, including racial, cultural and gender differences, means we're going to nudge, bump and crash into each other occasionally. Limited Resources, Turf Wars and Change If there's one cookie and two kids want it, if funds are finite and programs to deplete them abound, if there's only one promotion and three people think they've earned it—conflict! Ditto for violating each other's property, possessions, reputation or space. And when someone says we have to change, or starts making changes around us without our consent, we respond with everything from passive aggression to open resistance. Reacting to Conflict Most of us have conflict "styles"—one or two favorite ways of reacting in conflict situations. Or we may react differently to different people -- for example, acquiescing to our boss, withdrawing from our mate, reasoning with our child, and engaging in subterfuge against an office rival. For the most part, styles are conditioned responses, not conscious choices. They're learned early in life and reinforced every time they pay off by getting us off the hook, evoking sympathy, or according a sense of control. The point is, with a style we don't usually think to ourselves, "Okay, now I'm going to blow my stack to get attention and establish myself as a force to deal with in this conflict." We just react. When Style Becomes Strategy (and Vice-versa) A strategy is a behavior (or series of behaviors) that is consciously chosen. Unlike a style (a rote reaction), a strategy has purpose. The very same behavior—for example, avoiding—can be either a strategy or a style, depending on whether we avoid because it's the best thing to do at the time or because avoiding is what we always do. When used unconsciously, even the most sophisticated conflict behaviors forfeit their status as strategies. When dealing with an emotionally charged situation, an effective conflict manager will attempt to gain control of the situation so it can be dealt with rationally and objectively. Depending on the nature of the conflict, the stage the conflict is in, and whether the objective is to escalate, de-escalate, or idle the conflict, different strategies have varying degrees of utility. Selecting the most effective strategy is the science of conflict management; applying it skillfully is the art. Getting Good at Conflict When selecting a conflict strategy, keep in mind that your partner in conflict may also be acting strategically. As early as possible in a conflict, try to discern whether the other person is in control of his behavior and has some flexibility in the way he responds, or is merely reacting the way he always does in conflict situations. If he's yelling or threatening or putting you off because that's his style and he's stuck there, you may have to work a lot harder to reach a productive resolution but you will also have the advantage. If, on the other hand, you are dealing with a skillful partner, prepare to both lead and follow in what may be a very creative dance. When your partner avoids you or tries to dominate the situation, for example, try to figure out what he hopes to gain and how he thinks you'll react. Ten Conflict Strategies 1. Abandoning. Abandoning a conflict means, literally or figuratively, walking away from it. Some conflicts amount to pointless jousting with few or no consequences, good or bad. They are simply not worth your time and energy. Moreover, when you are terribly outnumbered, feel physically threatened, or find yourself in the middle of someone else's conflict (and for personal, professional or ethical reasons don't wish to participate), then abandoning is probably the best choice. 2. Avoiding. Avoidance is one of the most common strategies for coping with conflict. Avoiding a conflict doesn't mean you're a coward—unless, of course, you do it all the time. Avoiding is a legitimate strategy when you need time to cool off, when you stand to gain nothing from confronting a situation, when power is drastically unequal, when you want to put distance between yourself and the other person, or when you need time to prepare. Avoidance buys time. Use the time wisely once you have it. For example, if you postpone a meeting, immediately get to work, prepare yourself and reschedule. 3. Dominating. Dominating is an effective strategy when a quick decision is needed or when the issue is relatively unimportant—it gets things done. Dominating is usually power-oriented and delivered assertively. The ability to take control can actually be quite helpful when the other person lacks knowledge or expertise, and your opponent may be relieved that you have offered a solution. Don't try to dominate too often, however. Dominating is only effective as long as you have "right and might" on your side. 4. Obliging. This strategy deliberately elevates the other person, making him or her feel better about the situation. By obliging, you play down the differences between yourself and your opponent. It's a way of seeking common ground. Obliging requires that you give away power, which, if you have plenty to spare, can build trust and confidence. If you are secure in your position, obliging becomes almost a form of delegation. 5. Getting help. This strategy involves bringing in a third party to act as a conflict mediator. Sometimes a conflict can't be resolved by opponents acting alone. If big skill differences put either of you at a distinct disadvantage, if emotions are highly charged, if there's a language barrier, or if your opponent is blatantly uncooperative, you probably need to get help. Mediation is always needed if your opponent threatens in any way to retaliate against you. Depending on the seriousness of the conflict and the potential impact of the resolution, the person doing the intervention can be anyone from a skillful communicator to a professional mediator, just as long as he or she is unbiased and respectful of both (or all) parties involved. 6. Humor. Using humor to defuse a conflict can be particularly effective if you and your opponent are peers, or if the conflict is not terribly serious. Being humorous may involve looking at the situation in a comical way, poking fun at yourself for a style of reacting that frequently gets you into trouble, or generally making light of the situation. 7. Postponing. Postponing is putting off until tomorrow what neither you nor the other person is prepared to deal with today. It differs from avoiding in that postponing is a low-level, handshake type of preliminary agreement. The ability to jointly agree to put off dealing with a conflict until you have cooled off, are more rested, or have your facts straight requires control and skill. However, postponing is a strategy, not an escape hatch, so before going your separate ways, establish the time and place of your next contact. 8. Compromise. This is a middle-of-the-road strategy that gets everyone talking about the issues and moves you closer to each other and to a resolution. In compromise, each person has something to give and something to take. Compromise is most effective when issues are complex, and power is balanced. Compromise can be chosen when other methods have failed and when both you and your opponent are looking for middle ground, willing to exchange concessions. It almost always means giving up something in order to attain part of what you want. 9. Integrating. Integrating focuses on gathering and organizing information; at the same time, it encourages creative thinking and welcomes diverse perspectives. Suppose, for example, that the conflict concerns a major financial outlay. You don't like the direction things are going, but lack all the facts and figures. The other person doesn't have complete information either, but sees no reason to change course. Instead of continuing to argue, you agree to integrate—to pool all of the information you can get your hands on, put your differences on the table and examine them along with any data that might contribute to a resolution. Integrating turns you and your opponent into allies on a mission to master the complexities of the issue and thereby develop alternative solutions. Integrating is often a prelude to collaboration and problem-solving. 10. Collaboration/Problem-solving. Collaborating means working together to resolve the conflict and necessitates information gathering as well as some form of problem-solving. In order to collaborate, you and your opponent must be able and willing to contribute time, energy and resources to finding and implementing a solution. You must also trust each other to a degree. Trust grows as you cooperate in finding a solution to the problem. A good place to see expert conflict management in action is the courtroom. For many if not most attorneys, conflict is a way of life. The good ones rarely select a strategy without figuring out in advance a full range of possible responses from the opposing side. Even displays of emotion are calculated to produce specific results. I'm not suggesting you start acting like an attorney (talk about creating conflict!) but, rather, that you view conflict as an opportunity, giving it the respect and conscious attention it deserves. Win-win resolutions are often possible, and getting to them can be stimulating and productive. Good conflict management can clear the air, improve relationships, and produce creative solutions to tough problems

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No distinction between human

 

There is no distinction between us as human beings.Let us look at ourselves accurately.If we were the prominent person, we would feelsuperior.If we were rich, we would feel unaordinary.If we were clever, we would feel that we are thechosen people.If we were men with power or authority, we would feelwe are super/strong.Who are we actually?Our creation, from what?Is it from a jewel, gold or diamond or a preciousstone?Are not we originally from the sperm which isunworthy?
If we did not eat, we would feel hungry.If we did not drink, we would feel thirsty.If we did a lot of work, we would feel tired.Like other humans.Therefore, what is our distinction?In fact we do not have any distinction.Every human being is the same before his Creator.Therefore let us show respect between each other,For the sake of a peaceful and happy life in thisworld.

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Sufi Kids

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The Power of Positive Attitude

Positive attitude helps to cope more easily with the daily affairs of life. It brings optimism into your life, and makes it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. If you adopt it as a way of life, it will bring constructive changes into your life, and makes them happier, brighter and more successful. With a positive attitude you see the bright side of life, become optimistic and expect the best to happen. It is certainly a state of mind that is well worth developing and strengthening.
Positive attitude manifests in the following ways:

Positive thinking.

Constructive thinking.

Creative thinking.

Expecting success.

Optimism.

Motivation to accomplish your goals.

Being inspired.

Choosing happiness.

Not giving up.

Looking at failure and problems as blessings in disguise.

Believing in yourself and in your abilities.

Displaying self-esteem and confidence.

Looking for solutions.

Seeing opportunities.

A positive attitude leads to happiness and success and can change your whole life. If you look at the bright side of life, your whole life becomes filled with light. This light affects not only you and the way you look at the world, but also your whole environment and the people around you. If it is strong enough, it becomes contagious.

The benefits of a positive attitude:

Helps achieving goals and attaining success.

Success achieved faster and more easily.

More happiness.

More energy.

Greater inner power and strength.

The ability to inspire and motivate yourself and others.

Fewer difficulties encountered along the way.

The ability to surmount any difficulty.

Life smiles at you.

People respect you.

Negative attitude says: you cannot achieve success.
Positive attitude says: You can achieve success.

If you have been exhibiting a negative attitude and expecting failure and difficulties, it is now the time to change the way you think. It is time to get rid of negative thoughts and behavior and lead a happy and successful life. Why not start today? If you have tried and failed, it only means that you have not tried enough.

Developing a positive attitude that will lead you to happiness and success:

- Choose to be happy.

- Look at the bright side of life.

- Choose to be and stay optimistic.

- Find reasons to smile more often.

- Have faith in yourself and in the Power of the Universe.

- Contemplate upon the futility of negative thinking and worries.

- Associate yourself with happy people.

- Read inspiring stories.

- Read inspiring quotes.

- Repeat affirmations that inspire and motivate you.

- Visualize only what you want to happen.

- Learn to master your thoughts.

- Learn concentration and meditation.


Following even only one of the above suggestions, will bring more light into your life!

For more information on positive attitude, explore the links at the beginning of this page.

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8 keys to success

#1: PASSION

Passion is that "demonic compulsiveness" that John Gardner talks about in his book, "On Becoming a Novelist." It's what fires any creative person, something that gets you angry, or something you love and want to share. It's ambition, a vision for your future, dim though it may be. That vision leads to setting goals, long-term goals (I want to be a photographer) and short-term goals, (what camera do I buy?). I ask everyone I interview, have you written down your goals? Most people have not. Have you? Do you know where you'd like to be in five years? I do. I have written it down, so that at year's end, or on some quiet evening, I can look at what I've written and reflect on where I've been, and where I'm going � how far along the path I've come and how far I've got to go. Often, I realize I've reached my goals and need to be dreaming about new horizons, new challenges and new goals. Write down your goals. They will tell you what to do for the short-term goals � what books to buy, skills to develop, workshops to take, exercises to do to get better.

#2: ABILITY TO ACCEPT A RISK

I do not know anyone who has succeeded who has not been able to assess and take a risk and then live with the consequence - success or failure. Risk avoidance is a sure way to remain mediocre; being safe does not promote personal growth. Failure or making a mistake is not a bad thing; it's proof you were exploring new ways to do something, and that's better than safe success. We learn from our mistakes, not our successes. Really creative people embrace risk. They can sustain a high level of ambiguity; they do not need to know where they are. They do not mind being lost, for they call it just taking the longer, more interesting way around.

#3: HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

You think well of yourself. You are not boastful or egotistical, but do have an honest understanding of your talents, handicaps and are working toward getting better.

#4: PERSISTENCE

You have just done this long enough. How long is long enough? Well, it will take 10 years. I have asked hundreds of accomplished photographers, writers, filmmakers, painters and musician how long it took before they felt they were able to speak from a source within. Ten years was been their unanimous answer.

If it takes 10 years, then how do you spend the time wisely? It will take at least two years to acquire 70 percent of the craft you will need to work in your medium. It will take another eight years to acquire the next 20 percent of your craft. At 90 percent, you will have mastered your craft, but there is that 10 percent that will take a lifetime to acquire. In the meantime, while working to master your craft (the technical skills and processes for working in your medium) you will also be learning and acquiring a personal vision, your ability to see, to observe, to create and discover things. This is difficult at first, but the older you get the wiser and more aware you become. Craft and vision are your tools for inner exploration.

Persistence takes discipline. Discipline is simply doing what you know you need to do, even though you don't feel like doing it. The first thing is knowing what to do. Most people do not know. You are reading this, so you are interested in finding out what to do. Make a list. Next, find the willpower to do what's on the list. This is the most difficult part of all the keys - finding the positive willpower to do what you know you need to do. We all wrestle with discipline for it does not come easily, not even for the most successful.

#5: BEING NICE TO WORK WITH

Why is being nice important? Because it will be other people who will help you acquire the craft, help you discover and develop your vision, give you a job, introduce you to opportunities. People want to help others, but only if they show a willingness to work, to contribute and are nice to have around. People want to have positive, enthusiastic people around, people who will solve problems, not create them.

#6: WHO YOU KNOW

If you are nice to work with, the next will follow. You need to know and be known by people who will help you, hire you, buy your work, and give you advice. Here is a list of people you need to know and be known by:

Good Teachers - People who know what you need to know and can teach it to you in a way that you learn it.

Coaches - People who know your limits and your potential and will help keep you close to your "edge" of learning and growing.

Peers - Your friends and classmates, people who are on the same rung of the ladder as you, who are striving as you are.

Masters - People who are successful in their careers who can look at your work, your process and your career and give you valuable feedback, feedback you will accept and follow.

Mentors - A master with whom you have established a working relationship, someone who is wiser, accomplished and will help you understand the limits and possibilities of your projects, your process and your creative life.

Your Clients - The people who will buy your work, give you assignments, hire you.

#7: MASTER YOUR CRAFT

Learn a craft, so you have a tool with which to earn a living. This tool can also be used to explore life - outwardly and spiritually inwardly - as you search your soul for the reasons of your existence.

#8: TALENT

Talent is the last thing you need. You have to have some of it, but you do not need a lot. Too much talent is often a handicap. Things come too easily and there is little incentive to push, to make use of the talent. I know highly talented musicians who refuse to perform in public, photographers who are so arrogant no one wants them around, filmmakers whose egos are so inflated they are a pain to deal with, and others who are so impatient at getting what they want, they never master anything and, therefore, never do succeed. I prefer to surround myself with positive, successful people, young people who are enthusiastic even though they have yet to find or develop what talent they may have.

A talent is the natural ability to do something extraordinary. We all can do a lot, but some people have been gifted with talents that go beyond what others can do. What are you talented at? Do you know?

Success is not a matter of being talented. Notice it is last on the list. A little bit of talent, combined with the other seven keys, will lead you to success. I know many people who are talented, but lack one or more of the other seven keys and they fail to succeed.

Do not blame your lack of success on your lack of talent. It will be your attitude that will determine your altitude, not your talent or lack thereof.

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How to Be Positive

People often wonder how to be positive in their thoughts and actions, especially when they are unhappy and unsatisfied, or when life is difficult and tough. They even find it hard to be positive when things go well. Most of them don't know how to be positive and what they need to do. Like every other subject, the know-how of how to be positive can be learned and the skill developed. It is all a matter of attitude and thinking, both of which can be changed.

If we keeping thinking the same thoughts, they will eventually tend to manifest in our world. This means that if we desire good results we have to be careful of what we think. We have to stay and think positive.
Begin by becoming aware of your thoughts, and exchanging your negative thoughts with positive ones. Substitute negativity for being positive, thoughts about poverty with thoughts about wealth, ignorance with understanding, disharmony with harmony and lack of freedom with freedom. Start saying, "I can", "I am able" and "it is possible".
It is our mind that creates the kind of life we live. If we think positively we will transform our life accordingly. Everything starts from within, from the most simple action to the greatest achievement. We cannot always have control over our external circumstances, but we can control our inner world of thoughts, where everything starts. We can't always control our outer universe, but we can, with some effort, control our inner universe.
You are unhappy and negative because of how you think, but you can change the way you think. With a little work and effort you can change how you think, and this will you automatically change your attitude, expectations, actions and reactions, which will lead to more motivation, happiness and improved life.

How to be positive:

Focus on what you want, not on what you do not want.

Focus your mind on the good things you already have in your life. If you focus on them, these good things will increase in your life.

Do not fill your mind with thoughts of lack. Think and believe that you already have abundance, success, love and happiness.

Learn to feel, think and even act, as if you are already living the life you visualize. If you can feel, think and act consistently in this way, you will become happier, and will attract new opportunities into your life.

Think about what you want, create a picture of it in your mind, and make it very clear and precise. Hold it there and focus on it in a positive way, until it becomes a reality in your life.

Always tell yourself, "I can", "I am able", "I can do it", "I am a positive person".

Often, during the day, repeat positive affirmations about what you want. Do so with faith, feelings, intention and focus.

Look for the good in every situation. There is always something good, or at least something useful to learn, even in difficult or unpleasant situations.

Follow your positive thoughts with positive actions.

Always focus your mind on the full half of the cup, not on the empty half.

Do your best to reject negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts.

Be aware of your company. Choose to be around positive people.

Read about other people's success. Read things that inspire you and make you feel good.

Focus your mind on how to be positive and you will discover more ways to be so.

We get what we expect to get, therefore, begin right now to expect the very best of everything that this world has to offer - and wish the same for everyone else. There is plenty of everything in the Universe for everyone, and the Universe can create more of the good things for everyone. Don't think lack, think abundance, for you and for everyone.

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In order to turn the mind toward the positive, inner work and training are required. Attitude and thoughts do not change overnight.

Practical Instructions

Read about this subject, think about its benefits and persuade yourself to try it. The power of thoughts is a mighty power that is always shaping our life. This shaping is usually done subconsciously, but it is possible to make the process a conscious one. Even if the idea seems strange give it a try, as you have nothing to lose, but only to gain. Ignore what others might say or think about you, if they discover that you are changing the way you think.
Always visualize only favorable and beneficial situations. Use positive words in your inner dialogues or when talking with others. Smile a little more, as this helps to think positively. Disregard any feelings of laziness or a desire to quit. If you persevere, you will transform the way your mind thinks.
Once a negative thought enters your mind, you have to be aware of it and endeavor to replace it with a constructive one. The negative thought will try again to enter your mind, and then you have to replace it again with a positive one. It is as if there are two pictures in front of you, and you choose to look at one of them and disregard the other. Persistence will eventually teach your mind to think positively and ignore negative thoughts.
In case you feel any inner resistance when replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, do not give up, but keep looking only at the beneficial, good and happy thoughts in your mind.
It does not matter what your circumstances are at the present moment. Think positively, expect only favorable results and situations, and circumstances will change accordingly. It may take some time for the changes to take place, but eventually they do.
Another method to employ is the repetition of affirmations. It is a method which resembles creative visualization, and which can be used in conjunction with it. It is the subject of another article on this website.
The other articles at this website, about the power of concentration, will power, self-discipline and peace of mind also contribute to the development of a positive mind, and are recommended for reading and practicing.

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Positive and negative thinking are both contagious.

All of us affect, in one way or another, the people we meet. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through thoughts and feelings transference, and through body language. People sense our aura and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people and avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity.
Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

THIS SCHOOL NEEDS HELP

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The following story illustrates how this power works:

Allan applied for a new job, but as his self-esteem was low, and he considered himself as a failure and unworthy of success, he was sure that he was not going to get the job. He had a negative attitude towards himself, and believed that the other applicants were better and more qualified than him. Allan manifested this attitude, due to his negative past experiences with job interviews. His mind was filled with negative thoughts and fears concerning the job for the whole week before the job interview. He was sure he would be rejected. On the day of the interview he got up late, and to his horror he discovered that the shirt he had planned to wear was dirty, and the other one needed ironing. As it was already too late, he went out wearing a shirt full of wrinkles.
During the interview he was tense, displayed a negative attitude, worried about his shirt, and felt hungry because he did not have enough time to eat breakfast. All this distracted his mind and made it difficult for him to focus on the interview. His overall behavior made a bad impression, and consequently he materialized his fear and did not get the job.
Jim applied for the same job too, but approached the matter in a different way. He was sure that he was going to get the job. During the week preceding the interview he often visualized himself making a good impression and getting the job.
In the evening before the interview he prepared the clothes he was going to wear, and went to sleep a little earlier. On day of the interview he woke up earlier than usual, and had ample time to eat breakfast, and then to arrive to the interview before the scheduled time.
He got the job because he made a good impression. He had also of course, the proper qualifications for the job, but so had Allan.
What do we learn from these two stories? Is there any magic employed here? No, it is all natural. When the attitude is positive we entertain pleasant feelings and constructive images, and see in our mind's eye what we really want to happen. This brings brightness to the eyes, more energy and happiness. The whole being broadcasts good will, happiness and success. Even the health is affected in a beneficial way. We walk tall and the voice is more powerful. Our body language shows the way you feel inside.

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The Power of Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. It is a mental attitude that expects good and favorable results. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful outcome of every situation and action. Whatever the mind expects, it finds.

Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results. Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.
It is quite common to hear people say: "Think positive!", to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?

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Positive Thinking Your Key to Success

Positive thinking brings inner peace, success, improved relationships, better health, happiness and satisfaction. It also helps the daily affairs of life move more smoothly, and makes life look bright and promising.

Positive thinking is contagious. People around you pick your mental moods and are affected accordingly. Think about happiness, good health and success, and you will cause people to like you and desire to help you, because they enjoy the vibrations that a positive mind emits.
In order to make positive thinking yield results, you need to develop a positive attitude toward life, expect a successful outcome of whatever you do, but also take any necessary actions to ensure your success.
Effective positive thinking that brings results is much more than just repeating a few positive words, or telling yourself that everything is going to be all right. It has to be your predominant mental attitude. It is not enough to think positively for a few moments, and then letting fears and lack of belief enter your mind. Some effort and inner work are necessary.
Are you willing to make a real inner change?
Are you willing to change the way you think?
Are you willing to develop a mental power that can positively affect you, your environment and the people around you?

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Between talent,hobby and skill?

 

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The first step to starting a business is discovering who you are and what you have.

What Are Your Natural Talents?
What you must understand is that you are a unique human being. Out of the 6 billion or so people who inhabit planet earth today, there is no one exactly like you anywhere in the world. You are so intricately designed that the very marks on your palms and fingers are completely different from everyone else’s! That is why criminal investigators take peoples’ finger prints. Even identical twins have different sets of finger prints.

You are the only one of your kind. What follows from this is that because you are unique, there is something that you can do, the way only you can do it. Other people may try to do what you do, but they can never do it exactly like you can. Other people may try to be like you but they can never be you. Neither can you be like others so there is really no point in trying to be like other people.

Secondly, you need to understand that regardless of whether you believe in Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution or the “survival of the fittest” doctrine, or the Bible’s creation account, there is something you have been born with which is designed to enable you to survive. In other words, you have an in-built talent or ability which you can use to make a living for yourself as well as to bless the rest of society in your own unique way.

I raise the above points because when it comes to business, there are a lot of copycats around. People see what others who are in business do, and the kind of money they make, and they try to do exactly the same. This is especially true in Papua New Guinea. That is why there are so many failed businesses and only a few successes. That is also why there is a lot of competition in the business world. Everybody tries to cut corners and undercut or outdo the others in the marketplace because they are all in the same business.

If you want to succeed in business, you need to discover and build a business based on your unique natural talents. You may be doing what other people are doing, but the application of your talents will set you apart. What you do will be different from the rest. The product you supply or the service you provide will be differentiated by your nature, and you will be able to carve out a niche for yourself. Only then can you be in business for life.

Let me give you a personal example. I am in the business of writing books and conducting motivational seminars in the areas of academic excellence, financial management, business, and investing. Writing is a talent I was born with and have developed over the years. Speaking was a talent which was dormant for many years until only recently. In fact I didn’t know that I had the talent to speak in public in a way that would inspire other people. I have been a very shy person from birth. Many people who knew me in the past are surprised when they hear me speak with boldness and confidence in large gatherings or on radio.

I express my uniqueness when I write or speak. I do so in a way only I can do it. This differentiates me from other writers and speakers. That is why I am not afraid to tell other people how to write books. I openly share with them the process involved in getting a book from the stage of an idea to getting it published and placed on the shelf of a bookshop, because to me, nobody can ever write the way I do. I don’t see other writers as competitors, but as colleagues in a market so wide as to accommodate every one of us.

I hope you get my point that to succeed as your own boss, you need to discover and build a business on your natural talents. If you look at who makes the most money today, you will see that it is movie, rock and sports stars. Most of these people are not highly educated or skilled, but they are very talented. The more they express their uniqueness to entertain or satisfy the emotional needs of other people, the more they get paid.

Recently, on a plane trip from Port Moresby to Mount Hagen, I found out that the gentleman sitting next to me was a recording artist who was returning after recording his latest album with Chin H Meen studios. I discovered from the conversation that he had left school after Grade 6 and had become an ordinary villager. But he was making a name for himself as well as good money from his natural talent as a musician and singer.

What Are Your Hobbies?
The second thing you need to find out about yourself as a first step towards becoming your own boss is to discover what your hobbies are. Hobbies are things you love doing without being told to do so. A job is what you do because somebody stands at your back with a command or a stick; a hobby is what you do because you just love doing it. It is something you do without struggling – something that is so natural that it moves you in its direction every spare time you have. You can build a neat business out of what you ordinarily do.

If you go into any office today, you will see pot plants. These plants are placed there by people who grow them as a hobby. They grow the plants and either sell or hire them out. Some of these people do it as a part-time activity to supplement their income, while others do it for a living. These people are invariably hobbyists. The same goes for most of the people who grow and supply flowers.

Most of the large corporations in the world today were started as hobby activities by the founders. Popular corporations such as Dell Computers, Ford, Honda, Microsoft, Virgin Airlines, Kentucky Fried Chicken, etc started out as hobbies. Most of the founders started out on a part-time basis. Michael Dell, for instance, is said to have started Dell Computers in his college dormitory using his student allowances. He would buy used computer parts and build computers to customers’ specifications using his dormitory as his workshop. He became so engrossed in it that he flunked his studies. But that didn’t worry him. He simply moved down the road, rented a small warehouse and started his business, and became a multi-billionaire within 15 years.

I have a friend who started his business based upon his hobby of buying wrecked vehicles, getting them fixed and selling them. He was trained as an agriculture officer, and worked in the primary industry sector for many years. But his hobby was vehicles. I have watched him starting with just one used vehicle in 1998. Today he runs a very successful hire car and trucking business. He talks and breathes trucks and cars. That is what moves him such that he can’t stop talking about them. Money is secondary to him. I know this because he has not changed his hire rates for the past 12 years, and his trucking rates are currently the lowest in the market. He is in the business not to make money; rather, he is pursuing his hobby, and money just flows in.

My hobby is reading. I have been reading since primary school days, and still read every day. I carry books everywhere I go, and literally sleep with books. This helps me in writing books. In the past 4 years I have written 6 books. Three have been published and three will be printed later this year. And I have many more coming. Many people have asked me how long it takes me to write a full-length book of between 180 and 200 pages. My response is between 4 and 6 weeks when I concentrate. For smaller books, a week is probably sufficient. This is how long it takes me to write books on subjects I am passionate about.

I have not made much money or become rich and famous as an author yet (I hope I will one day), but money is not what motivates me to do what I do. What moves me to write and speak is the passion and desire to see other people getting inspired on the inside so much that they take action on the outside to improve their lot in life. I just enjoy getting people to believe in themselves and do things they wouldn’t do otherwise. That is why I write on subjects which most people consider to be secrets to success.

That is what will happen when you focus on your hobbies. You enjoy what you do, and money flows in as a bonus. Your real reward is the satisfaction and enjoyment from what you pursue.

What Are Your Skills?
Most people tend to look towards their knowledge and skills when it comes to deciding to get into business. But for me, knowledge and skills come last, because not everybody possesses them whereas everyone has a talent.

Many people dream about starting businesses but because they don’t have educational qualifications or special skills, they convince themselves that they cannot do anything. The result is that a lot of potentially successful business people live in unnecessary poverty and struggle. They are destroyed by the ignorance of their natural talents and hobbies which if they knew possessed, they could turn them into thriving businesses.

That is in fact the problem faced by the majority of school dropouts and unemployed young people today. They focus so much on the knowledge and skills they don’t have, that they become blind to the natural talents they have been born with. What actually hinders them from succeeding in life is not what they don’t have, but what they don’t know they have. They focus on what they don’t have, and overlook what they do have. They also believe so much in knowledge and skills as necessary pre-conditions for starting businesses, that they don’t realize the fact that some of the most successful business people in the world today were dropouts or have never been to school at all.

Having said that, let me say that I do not discount at all the skills which you have acquired in an institution or at the work place. You can start a business using the knowledge and skills you possess.

Today, many experts are leaving full-time jobs to work as freelance consultants. While they were working, they gained experience, received further training, and established contacts which they can now make use of to further their own businesses. The increasing trend in the corporate world towards outsourcing has opened up opportunities for such people to start consultancy businesses, which is the reason consultancy is a multi-billion dollar industry today.

As you ponder becoming your own boss, I encourage you to look inward first before you look around you. If you build a business based on your natural talents and hobbies, you will enjoy what you do. If you copy businesses you see other people running, you may make money as well, but you may not enjoy what you do. Remember that you are unique, so find out your special talent or hobby first. Also assess your special skills and knowledge which you can build a business upon.

As I have highlighted in a previous article, the Government plans to encourage as many people as possible to become self-employed and run their own businesses under Vision 2050. Training in business start-up is essential. Such training should start by getting trainees to discover their talents, hobbies and skills.

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The love of God

The love of God is very evident.
you can see it every second:
The air that we breathe, the sun that shines,
 the earth that we stand upon.
The food and drink, the clothes, the wife, the children, the properties, the car:
 they are all the endowments of God upon us,
The greatness(glory) of God is also obvious
through His mountains, oceans, the scenic views.
His power is also evident.
It occurs in front of us: the sudden death of someone,
an automobile accident, the land/hill slope,
the collapse of a building, the flood which ruins everything,
the strong wind that destroys buildings, plants, and woods,
the volcanoes that erupt, which are very terrifying,
and the crash of planes that cause the deaths of a large number of people,
the earthquake that destroys houses,
killing thousands of people, the political leaders are overthrown,
and the millionaire who falls into bankruptcy.
One who used to be honored, is no longer respected,
in contrast he is disgraced.
One who used to be disgraced, is now honored or respected.
One who was well known, is now forgotten.
One who was not well known, is now a public figure.
Our eyes notice all these events but sadly we do not realize it because our heart is blind.
We should already have learned many lessons from them.
But our heart is dead.
The above said incidents do not touch our heart.
But, after our soul is taken by the angel of death,
only then we start to realize it, as if we have just awakened from a false slumber.
At that time, we’re so shocked, to the extent that our eyes are open widely.
We start to realize the reality of this life.
We start to know the reality of the world and the Hereafter.
But it is too late already.
You have exceeded the border.
It is the time to receive the consequence!

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Who is our supreme love?

O Allah You are my Lord,There is no God but You,You are my supreme love,Muhammad (pbuh) is Your Messenger.

O Allah You are thesource of happiness,You are the source of salvation,You are the source of peace,You are everything,
O Allah You are my Protector,You are the source of my sustenance,When I am sick, You heal me,When I am hungry, You feed me,
O Allah You are my supreme love,I hope my love is answered,O Allah You are my supreme love,Please do not reject my love,
Do not leave me without guidance,Lead me to the right path,Upon You my hope is laid,Do not dissapoint my feeling.

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You have no power!

How great even is your power,
You won’t be able to transform the authenticity of yourself,
You can’t transform yourself into gold, crystal and diamond,
But why do you become arrogant and proud?
And not becoming humble?

How rich even you are,
The biology of yourself won’t change,
You remain as human,
Who is in need of food and drink,
Who will be afflicted by illness,
And will befallen with calamity,
You urinate and pass your body waste
Why do you change your spiritual essence?
What is the logic do you change your soul into proud, boastful and showing off?
You are human as others,
Even though you are clever, your creation is the same like other humans,
Your original creation is soil,
Your second creation is the mean semen,
Your cleverness won’t change your biology,
But why do you change your attitude?
From a loving, caring and friendly man to a man who tends to isolate himself from others?
You feel that you are not qualified anymore to interact with ordinary people,
Why do you put gap between you and mankind?
If you have specialties, does it mean you no longer need others?
Are you capable of providing all of your life necessities?

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Stupidity in the Intellectuality

In mankind's intellectual aptitude,
there is stupidity that is not supposed to exist but still remains evident.
When a man possess a vase of knowledge,
there are more vases of knowledge which he does not possess.
Mankind has become stupid in cleverness.
He knows and studies the creations of God meticulously,
But still does not know and study the Creator, while He is the one and only God!
This is very weird / strange,
Any materials on earth, be they seen or hidden, are in the knowledge of mankind.
This is unfortunate because the creator of all substances is not in the knowledge of mankind and no one is interested to know about it.
Mankind is amazed with the creation of God, but he is not amazed with God.
This is akin to one who is amazed with a car, but he is not amazed with the car inventor. Mankind is astonished and mad about the creations of God.
But he is not astonished and mad about the God.
The specialists of the God creation are awarded with degrees.
They are regarded as intellects.
They are respected and honored,
whilst remaining ignorant about God and the knowledge of Divinity.
They are actually intellects whom are stupid because they only know the creations of God,
but know not God, the Creator.
They are clever and knowledgeable on something which is not prime/foremost,
but they are stupid/ignorant on something which is prime and foremost.
According to Islam, their intellectuality does not mean anything.
Their intellectuality is on something which is not the prime.
Their stupidity is on something which is the prime.
Why should we be amazed with them?
They are specialists on something that can be touched and felt,
but ignorants on the being that cannot be touched and felt.
That is God who is One and Only.
This matter is not regarded as extraordinary.
They are normal humans who do not possess any specialty?

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